To have your contributions pushed aside and forgotten
So your failings are the ones remembered.
To be damned for what others are forgiven for.
To be slighted as others are remembered.
They seek to ignore and forget you.
We shall not let that be.
Better to face the coming end
Than to turn your back and be surprised.
Lucky Number 9.
So going to list 9 things I admire about Loki.
1. First off, His way with words. I have it to a degree, but it’s not always as fast as I would like.
2. When He says He’s going to do something, He does it.
3. He belongs to Himself. He doesn’t ask others leave.
4. His inventive mind.
5. The fact that there are different sides to Him. Proven by being one whom both Angrboda and Sigyn could love.
6. His laughter, or at least how I would imagine it to be.
7. His willingness to tell the truth when it needs to be told.
8. Liar He may be, hypercrite He is not. Something I work to maintain.
9. He enjoys Himself.
Watching Harry Potter movies on ABC Family and reminded of how people treat Loki the same as Voldermort is treated.
I have actually heard people refer to Loki as ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’. As if He would pop up out of nowhere if His name was spoken. As if He had nothing better to do.
I sometimes pull a Dumbledore and will say His name just to prove the point.
It makes for an interesting insight on one way people perceive him.
When I say what people are thinking.
When I make the crude joke just to get a rise.
When I make the gentle joke to alleviate the seriousness.
When I share a different point of view that makes someone pause and consider it.
When I point out a truth of someone to that person cause they weren’t seeing it.
When I turn that clever phrase.
When I let myself think outside the box.
When I dare.
Then I am honoring Loki.
So today I was going to catch up on my posts and put up each one separate. But they seemed kinda linked, so going to do a 3-in-1.
The first one that came to me for Day 4 was this:
I think I see you there
Standing sideways.
Making me guess at you
With just a smile as a clue.
For some reason, right after I wrote that, ‘Death’ by Emily Dickinson popped into my head. As I wondered what I was to do with that, this wanted out for some reason. Day 5 post:
To see with the eyes is physical
To see with the heart is emotional
To see with the mind is mental.
To see with all three at once is extraordinary.
I’m not sure why I wrote this. Just seems odd for me. It’s kinda simplistic, but not sure how true it is.
So after that, I went back to Emily’s poem. I looked it up, thinking maybe I would just do a parody of it, following the metre and general outline, but changing the imagery. I didn’t think I would be able to, but wrote the first verse as it was given to me. The rest just came after.
One thing about my poetry. It’s the closest to automatic writing I do. Even more than with my prose, it just does what it wants for the most part. There were lines where I had a choice on what to put down, giving me some illusion of control. But for the most part I was just being a stenographer, writing what I was hearing in my head. There were times where I would put down a line and the voice would go quiet til I hit that enter button then it would start up again. This was an unusual poem, even for me.
Day 6 post:
Because I could not stop for Him
He kindly stopped for me.
He held my hand
as we walked along.
But whether to keep me from the edge
or to drag me to it
changed from minute to minute.
I had no fear
Which is not what He wanted.
“There is no challenge in having no fear.
What do you have to win then?”
He shook His head
A disappointment was I.
“But it was to be expected after all.
Child of your mind, you’ve grown
too used to doubting.
To accepting fantasy over belief.
Reality is what you make of it.
But reality makes you as well.
Fantasy will hold your hand,
hold you right and tight.
But blind you to what well could be,
given that your hands were free.”
He sighed and led me back.
My footsteps dragged as we went.
I did not wish to go
but I had no choice.
“It is not yet the time,
but soon it will be.
Just let go a little.
Accept life.
Your madness does not contain Me.
Even as it might explain Me.”
He laughed for the first time since we started,
And He kissed me on the forehead.
“Nevermind, you will get there.
I take you to me as I take the rest.
I see you for how you are and how you could be.
The trick is to make you see yourself the same way.
Patience is learned.
Honor is fought for.
Duty is a given.”
He could see the confusion on my face
And gave a wistful smile.
“Soon, my child.
To be continued, as they say.
We shall dread the truth
but we shall work toward it nonetheless.”
I’m getting a little weary of having to semi-hide my allegiance to Loki.
I do put links and pictures of Him on my Facebook wall, but then I also do the same with Tom Hiddleston’s portrayal of him, just to cloud the issue a bit. (Not that Tom is not postworthy in his own right and I have thanked Loki for bringing attention to the lad).
I also want the true story to come out. On Facebook there are pages where people are role-playing the Marvel Loki, but not so much people telling about the Lore.
At first my little part was to change my cover picture from one showing the Avengers to one I created showing both Tom and Chris Hemsworth’s version of Loki and Thor and paintings showing a more accurate image of them.
Now I have created a page to do what I was complaining no one was doing, which is getting the Lore out more. But of course my name is not attached to it, so that’s still hiding.
Part of me wonders how much of a fallout there would be in the community if I just blatantly said I was a Lokian. We have all three of the national Asatru organizations represented here and I have been at events where members of the groups were present. Now what they would say to me don’t concern me none, to turn a phrase. I’m a Heathen who frankly doesn’t need the community, a contradiction in terms I know. If they want to give me flak, whatever.
I have mentioned before that my silence is to protect those in my kindred, and also because one in my kindred would most likely not be thrilled with me being a public Lokian. But that’s getting old.
I’m not out to my family about being a Heathen, but somehow that is less a bother than not being out as a Lokien to the community. Now, I do not deny that part of the wanting to go public would be to see what kind of Cain I would raise and just whose hair I would curl. Which maybe or mayhap isn’t a valid reason but there it is.
But part of it is hearing other people talk about their gods openly, getting tattoos to honor them and hailing them even in informal settings. Now while I don’t expect to hail Loki at a sumble ANY time soon, it would be nice to just say out loud that I’m a follower of His.
I have taken a small step. I replaced the wallpaper of Tom as Loki on my phone to a picture that is a bit truer representation of Him. Not sure who will see it but I am putting it out there to be seen, knowing that I will have to deal with it.
Just testing the waters before jumping in.
I envy those who know that Loki talks to them.
I envy those who know that He doesn’t.
I can’t say for sure which camp I’m in. I hear things in my head, but since I am a fiction writer, I am used to having the voices. I know the voices come from me, but they are not always of me. What I mean is they tell me things I would not have expected myself to be thinking.
I will visualize locations, usually desert landscapes since I live in the Southwest. I am there and most of the time the one who wears the form I have labeled ‘Loki’ is there too. We might talk, or one talks and the other listens.
But if you asked me, I could say with equal ease that I am talking to Loki or I am talking to myself using Him as a bridge.
I say this form is ‘M!Loki’, which is fan fiction speak for a Loki Muse. I don’t trust myself to know if I am speaking to the outside or to the inside of me. If I have made contact or like some form of divination I have just given my subconscious a way to talk to me.
I read once on a blog that those Loki calls to him are just a little not right. The bubble is just a bit off center. And this surely includes me. I’m not dangerous crazy, just crazy enough to be interesting and a handfull.
I would be happy to keep the mystery, but it seems to violate the main rule with Loki, don’t lie to yourself.
So I keep poking and asking, seeing if I can tell which it is.
I may never know for sure. Or one day I might get that smack to the back of my head that lets me know.
Guess maybe that’s what I will have to take on faith.
To Rage like Fenrir
To be Silver-Tongued like Loki
To be Patient like Hela
To be Forceful like Angrboda
To be Still like Jormundgand
To be Loyal like Sigyn
So I had read Galina Krasskova’s plan to do something for Loki every day in July and had planned to as well. And of course I forgot. So here’s to playing some catch-up and in the process using this blog for what it was intended for..
There will be mention of His family as well, as I discovered with the first post.
For 'Minn Hlatr' 